Questions about example sentences with, and the definition and usage of "Daylight"

Other questions about "Daylight"

Q: As daylight began to fade, I picked Holly up from Susan’s home.Bidding farewell to her,Holly crept upon my car.I sensed the atmosphere was a little bit different.The black cloud of disappointment wandered around Holly’s eyes for a week seemed to disappear.Instead,they were filled with shameness. “How is Susan’s home?”I asked. “It’s great but…”Hesitating for a long time,it seemed that she was searching for a suitable word to describe it. “Beyond my expectation.You know,the whole family share one carpet simply because they can’t afford more.”Holly lowered her head.I unfolded the whole story of Susan.Holly was nearly to cry.Regret as she was,she didn’t utter a single word on our way home.
I placed the carpet on the table in front of her.With her mouth widen,Holly grabbed the carpet tightly and heartily.She burst into crying and murmured, “She was my best friend but I once hated her only for a present I don’t like but is precious to her.”I patted her trembling head and said, “It doesn’t matter.Holly.” Does this sound natural?
A: × As daylight began to fade, I picked Holly up from Susan’s home.
✓ As daylight began to fade, I picked Holly up from Susan’s.

× Bidding farewell to her,Holly crept upon my car.
✓ As I bid farewell to Susan, Holly crept upon my car.

× I sensed the atmosphere was a little bit different.
✓ I sensed the atmosphere was different.

× The black cloud of disappointment wandered around Holly’s eyes for a week seemed to disappear.
✓ The black cloud of disappointment that wandered around Holly’s eyes for a week seemed to disappear.

× Instead,they were filled with shameness.
✓ Instead, they were filled with shame.

× “How is Susan’s home?”I asked.
✓ “How was Susan’s home?” I asked.

× “It’s great but…”Hesitating for a long time,it seemed that she was searching for a suitable word to describe it.
✓ “It’s was great, but…” Hesitating for a long time, it seemed that she was searching for something suitable to say.

× “Beyond my expectation. You know,the whole family share one carpet simply because they can’t afford more.”Holly lowered her head.
✓ “Beyond my expectation. You know, the whole family share one blanket simply because they can’t afford more.” Holly lowered her head.

× I unfolded the whole story of Susan.
✓ As she told the story of Susan, Holly was nearly crying.

× Holly was nearly to cry.

× Regret as she was,she didn’t utter a single word on our way home.
✓ Regretful as Holly was, she didn’t utter a single word on our way home.

× I placed the carpet on the table in front of her.
✓ I placed a blanket on the table in front of her.

× With her mouth widen,Holly grabbed the carpet tightly and heartily.
✓ With her mouth wide, Holly grabbed the blanket tight.

× She burst into crying and murmured, “She was my best friend but I once hated her only for a present I don’t like but is precious to her.”I patted her trembling head and said, “It doesn’t matter. Holly.”
✓ She burst into tears, muttering “She was my best friend. I hated her, once. Only to be given a present I don’t like; but is precious to her.” I patted her trembling head and said, “It doesn’t matter, Holly.”

I'm not sure what your intent is with the last paragraph so some emotions or intentions might be lost in this translation

everything else aside it was a pretty good

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