Questions about example sentences with, and the definition and usage of "Yoon"

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Q: Hello, I am Yoon Hae Min. The topic of my presentation is the Ora Tourist Park Development. Ora Tourist Park development is the construction of accommodation, golf courses, and commercial facilities in the middle of Mt. Halla. I'm against this development. First of all, Ora Tourist Park ruins the appearance of Mt. Halla. The second Ora Tourist Park is only 650 meters away from the Natural Protection Area of Hallasan Mountain. There's a city under the national park with about 60,000 people. Third, development costs are expensive. The development cost of the Ora Tourism Organization is 6.82 trillion won, the largest investment in Jeju. For these reasons, I oppose the development of
Aura tourism complex. does this sound natural?
A: If I were you, I would say “accommodations” instead of “accommodation” since everything else you listed was plural except for this word. I agree with the person above, you should say “secondly” or “second of all” to make it sound less awkward. And towards the end it says “development costs are expensive. The development cost..” you see how it says “development cost” twice back to back? This makes the writing sound a little young. Instead, if I were you, I would write something like “Lastly, the development costs of Ora Tourism Organization is expensive, clocking in with about 6.82 trillion won. This will be the largest investment in Jeju.” Let me know what you think.

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Yoon

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