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18 Feb 03:13 PM

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Question about English (US)

Hi, This is what I wrote by myself to practice speaking English. If there is anyone who have time to answer, please help me. Thank you in advance. :D
*** [ so...that.../ not...either/...avoid ~ing / attract one's attention ]
I have to use these expressions as much as I can. So, the sentences below can be a little awkward because of this rule. I have to follow this rule.


Q. Is there a difference between being thin and being healthy? Which one is better? Do you think being slime equals beautiful?

To say the conclusion first, I think that being thin is totally different from being healthy. There is only a recommended weight based on people's height or their physical constitution. All in all, if you get fat excessively over the average, the experts tell us that it is difficult to avoid having serious diseases such as high blood pressure or myocrardial infarction, don't they? Therefore, if it is more helpful for you to lose weight, then you'd better to do so. However, as we all know, being healthy is not the only reason for us to lose weight. We also want to become beautiful as much as we can attract other people's attention. Although, I know it is not good to obsess with attractiong other people's attention too much. But nowadays, there are many different SNS(social networking service) such as face book, youtube, twitter... If you got hooked on getting attention from many people once, I guess, it is too difficult for you to avoid obsessing on it. Because, If you are thinner, sexier, and more beautiful, it is more easier to attract other people's attention.
Conversely, I don't want to force overweight people losing weight. Since it is his or her choice. But, If you get fat too much, firstly, people around you easily treat you negatively. Secondly, if you continue to experience that kind of things, you can't avoid becoming a negative person. Since the fat people attract other people's attention. Usually, it is said that the fat people have a bad personality because of their self-accusation. But I think it is because of a vicious circle from people's reaction. I've watched a vedio clip in youtube the other day, which an American who lives in Korea talked about, he said that fresh fruit or good food ingredients are more expensive than fast food in America. A coke is cheaper than water, which means that America has a social structure which many the poor (I want to say...many people who don't have money) in America easily become obese. It is that the society is obviously responsible for this problem. Since some people are so poor that they can't afford fresh food and ingredients which are more expensive than fast food. They can't avoid becoming obese. I don't want to put the blame on society, either. But when someone wants to become thin or gets stressed out because of his or her weight, I think, we can't only blame individuals for neglecting their health. Therefore, In my opinion, being thin and being healthy are totally different things.

does this sound natural?

*** [ so...that.../ not...either/...avoid ~ing / attract one's attention ]
I have to use these expressions as much as I can. So, the sentences below can be a little awkward because of this rule. I have to follow this rule.
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