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20 Mar 05:41 AM

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I seriously don't know how to love people or myself. I don't know what love is. You can't see "love" . When I think of numbers, I see colors. One is white, two is blue, three is orange-ish yellow, four is purple-ish pink, five is violet-ish blue... The funny thing is, I believe in God. Sometimes my faith fade away, but it always comes back. Someone asked me if I'll have a boyfriend in the future. Honestly I doubt that.

I met someone in the past. He made me smile. I wished he would love me. At the same time, I wished he would leave me alone, because every moments that I spent time with him, it makes me exhausted. The most scariest thing is, what if I won't be able to "love" my own child when I become mother? People say that when you are a mother, you just love your child, no reasons. I don't think it'll fit to everyone.
does this sound natural?

Thank you for your help. You can totally change any words or sentences. I'm sorry this is a long writing.
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