Could you please correct my paragraph writing?

Agree or disagree : The number of young people who live with their parents after they finish their education will increase in the future.

I agree with the idea that the number of young people who live with their parents after they finish their education will increase in the future. I have two reasons to support my opinion.
First, young people can cut down on their costs of living. If they lived by themselves after finishing their education, it would cost too much because they have to pay for rent, groceries or necessities. However, they can save money if they live their parents.
Secondly, it is more convenient for young people to do house chores by communicating with their families than to do that by themselves. Doing everything by myself needs too much time. If young people live with their parents, parents support for them.
From these reasons, it is possible to increase in the number of young people who live with their parents in the future.

Question

Could you please correct my paragraph writing?

Agree or disagree : The number of young people who live with their parents after they finish their education will increase in the future.
    
  I agree with the idea that the number of young people who live with their parents after they finish their education will increase in the future. I have two reasons to support my opinion.
  First, young people can cut down on their costs of living. If they lived by themselves after finishing their education, it would cost too much because they have to pay for rent, groceries or necessities. However, they can save money if they live their parents.
  Secondly, it is more convenient for young people to do house chores by communicating with their families than to do that by themselves. Doing everything by myself needs too much time. If young people live with their parents, parents support for them. 
   From these reasons, it is possible to increase in the number of young people who live with their parents in the future.

Kenna_min · Answer

And change "it would cost too much" to "living expenses will (expand/increase)..."

Then change what @bekahlmao said then everything else is fine

Kenna_min · Answer

It's fine haha @kge3008112hs

bekahlmao · Answer

That was really good! But, I would say "Doing everything by themselves takes too much time. If young people live with their parents, their parents can support them." And "Because of these reasons, it is possible to increase the number of young people who live with their parents."

bekahlmao · Answer

@kge3008112hs No need to apologize, I'm happy to help!

That was really good! But, I would say "Doing everything by themselves takes too much time. If young people live with their parents, their parents can support them." And "Because of these reasons, it is possible to increase the number of young people who live with their parents."

And change "it would cost too much" to "living expenses will (expand/increase)..."Then change what @bekahlmao said then everything else is fine

@kge3008112hs No need to apologize, I'm happy to help!

It's fine haha @kge3008112hs

Ask native speakers questions for free

And change "it would cost too much" to "living expenses will (expand/increase)..."

Then change what @bekahlmao said then everything else is fine