Hi. On this Mothers' Day. I want to dedicate this poem to you, my mother, and all the mothers in the world.

Suggest me any language errors, please.

THE TRUE FORT

by Rizwan Ahmed Memon



Your support was

The true fort.

Through which I fought

And got all that I sought.



With your prayers

All the arrows of the enemies

Missed in the airs.

And God did wonders.



My mother, when you are together,

Why I ask for prayer form other.

Mother, I know, if all the world turns against,

You will still be there.



Raise voice against injustice

This is what you have taught.

Happiness in my life you have brought.

With your love, I live my life to the fullest.


http://rizwanahmedmemon.blogspot.com/

@hello12345 Would you please help me with this story? Please help me add figures of speech, imagery, descriptions, and vivid vocabulary in it. I have posted this on lang-8, but lang-8 has any problems. It is not opening for me.

Chapter 6 (Draft 3) Innocence and Foolishness
Author: Rizwan Ahmed Memon

From 6th grade to 9th, my life remained the same: the dairy farm, the fruitless school, and the general store. I wasn’t learning the things that I needed to. My experience at the shop and the farm had shown me the reality of life. Many complex thoughts used to come in my mind while feeding the cattle. One day, I realized that my decisions would shape my future: sound decisions can secure a bright tomorrow, while unsound ones can lead to harsh consequences.

I decided that I will take step to change my life. I thought that if one could not help oneself, nobody else would, and at the end of the day, when one has to face the consequences of one’s decisions, they may be led to believe that such things have been fated to happen. However, it is ultimately our decisions that lead us to prosperity or to hard times. If my brothers would have made better decisions for Irfan and me, we would have been better. I also realized that prosperity is only possible through good education.

Irfan was happy with the responsibility of the shop, but I thought it was not the right time for me to work. It was time for me to study and learn. However, I was not able to say anything to my brothers. At the age of 15, I had a good understanding of how to persuade the customers and how to make deals with them. I thought a lot about my future, although I never shared my thoughts with anyone. “I don’t want to be a shopkeeper when I grow up. I need to do something for my education. I will have to make my own way. If I keep going on the path that I am given, I will end up being an uneducated shopkeeper,” I thought.

I was not satisfied with the local government school that did not provide proper education. Due to the abortive check and balance system of the education department in the province, many teachers did not perform their duties well. Even now in Sindh, still there are thousands of lazy teachers who continue to earn their salaries every month, while completely neglecting their responsibilities to teach their students. There are many ghost employees, whom the students have probably never met in person.

It was not easy for me to leave the shop completely. I reached 9th grade, but nothing changed. I wasn’t good at any subject. Even my English didn’t improve. “I’ll have to take some steps myself now. Otherwise, I’m going to waste more years,” I said to myself, while I washed the potatoes for the shop. In my 9th grade, a new boy from a nearby village joined our class. His name was Rashid, and he studied at a private institute in the evening. I got information from him about the coaching centers in the city.

One afternoon, when I came back from school, I said to Jamil, “I want to enroll in a coaching center in Larkana City. Going to school here is nothing but a waste of time. I don’t want to run the shop for the rest of my life. I don’t want to look after the buffaloes all my life. I want to attain a higher education and become a lecturer.”

Jamil was aghast when he heard this. He went silent for a moment and then said, “I don’t know much about coaching centers.”

“I have already chosen an institute. It won’t cost much. You just have to go there with me once. It will only take an hour or two.”

With Jamil’s support, I was admitted to the institute. I went to school in the morning for one or two hours, then I returned to the shop and sat there until around 2:00 in the afternoon. Afterwards, I went to the coaching center, which was a good distance away. I had to cover some of the distance on foot. I would reach the city from my village riding vans that were very old. I found it troublesome to sit on the vans and to walk on foot, especially in summer, but I put up with all the hardships and continued attending my classes.

My brothers couldn’t stop me from doing what I wanted; they couldn’t distract me away from my dream of completing my studies. I believed that once a man decides to do something for himself, persistence makes it easier to achieve his goals. After some months, I joined the computer center too. At that point, I had become confident enough to take further steps on my own. I spent very little time working in the shop in the late evenings. After a year, I also started teaching the children in my neighborhood, so I didn’t have any time left to spend in the shop. Irfan used to fight with me because I didn’t dedicate more time to the shop. If Irfan had done like me, Jamil and Papoo could have somehow managed the shop themselves. One day, as I was going to the coaching center, I saw a boy of my age selling potato chips on a wheelbarrow. I thought that because of financial problems, parents want their children to earn money. Though good education can be difficult for parents to afford for their children, they should still make extra efforts to educate them so they won’t have to live their entire lives in poverty. I concluded my thoughts with this idea that it is the duty of every parent to ensure good health and education for their children.

After the class, when I was returning to the village, I saw that the wheelbarrow boy again. I had seen him selling chips at the gate of the school many times. That day I wanted to talk to him and ask him about his life. “My father runs a tractor. He didn’t allow me to go to school,” he lamentably commented while chopping the potatoes. I listened to his life story in a relaxed manner. I was starting to run late. Before leaving, I said to him, “In life, you may not be given a lot of opportunities to learn and grow. Nevertheless, you still have to make an effort to change things for yourself. After all, it is your life; you need to take care of it because no one else will. One day everyone has to make his or her own way. With time, you have to carve your own path to reach your aspirations and achieve your dreams. Aim high and never lose the passion and desire to learn and explore new things. This will bring you success and will make you an inspiration to many.”