Hi, people who see my post.
I wrote an essay about what I've worked on outside class in university.
If you have some time to check my essay, that will be very helpful for me.
Please take a look and check it out as long as you can.
I put it here!

I worked on volunteer programs outside class, especially I devoted myself to the volunteer program which we local students supported international students from the U.S. in my university. I wanted to draw on my English skill outside class since I started to learn English, and that kept me motivated to participate in it everyday. In this program, we supported their Japanese learning and took them to famous sightseeing spots as well. In addition, I wanted to make more opportunities to interact with them, so I also worked on planning events where international and local students could be connected each other more. After I finished this program, I could understand Japanese culture more deeply by supporting them.

Question

Hi, people who see my post.
I wrote an essay about what I've worked on outside class in university.
If you have some time to check my essay, that will be very helpful for me.
Please take a look and check it out as long as you can. 
I put it here!

I worked on volunteer programs outside class, especially I devoted myself to the volunteer program which we local students supported international students from the U.S. in my university. I wanted to draw on my English skill outside class since I started to learn English, and that kept me motivated to participate in it everyday. In this program, we supported their Japanese learning and took them to famous sightseeing spots as well. In addition, I wanted to make more opportunities to interact with them, so I also worked on planning events where international and local students could be connected each other more.  After I finished this program, I could understand Japanese culture more deeply by supporting them.

Aaliyah__ · Answer

@gorld  
1)Instead of saying “especially I devoted” say I especially devoted”.
Remember that the subject of the phrase always comes first it English (the sentence structure is SOV- Subject Object Verb)

2) Rather than saying “I wanted to draw in my English skills” say “I wanted to expand/develop/build my English skills”

3)Where you say “I wanted to make more opportunities” I guess that would be ok but it would probably sound better to replace ‘make’ with ‘create’. Your preference ☺️

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