11 Jan 2021

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Question about English (US)

Hey Hinative English speaker, my name is Bach and I'm Vietnamese, sorry for my English level but i'm here to ask you guys a favor: Next month which is February,i will have my IELTS test and my weakpoint is writing skill so i just wondering that if you guys can help me out correcting my IELTS task 1 essay,in return, you guys can ask me anything about Vietnamese,just feel free to ask and don't hesitate on asking frequently because i will really appriciate if you guys can help me because its really academic and time-consuming,i will reply to your question if i know anything about it,i will put my essay in the additional information box since Hinative allows to upload only one picture and I will leave topic image down below,thanks for your help :D

The line graph compares the proportion of audiences in 5 different age brackets which participated in music concerts from 2010 to 2015. As can be seen from the graph, there were upward trends in the attendance rate of people living in this city, except for those from 55 to 64, with the most impressive growth came from the youngest age profile
In 2010, just over a half of attendees were the people from 45 to 54 whereas on the same year, under 24 people and those from 25 to 44 both had the same starting point, at 40%. Moreover, one-fourth of the people who were from 55-64 took part in the concerts while those above 75 was the lowest at 10%
After 5 years, under 25 people had the most significant change of 30% in 2015, which made them become the most popular musical attendees. The figure for 25-44 remarkably to 50% at the end of the period, whereas the percentage of 45 to 54 years old experienced a quick drop before recovering to exactly 52%. Additionally,there was a slow decline to 22% after a moderate rise in the rate of 55 to 64 years-old people and lastly, the oldest age group ended at 20% after some fluctuations
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