👇Are these English 🔴 sentences natural？
Would you please correct my assignment? The matter is urgent and a prompt reply would be appreciated.
至急、添削をお願いしたいです。課題で出されたものです。

🔴Theme: Should we go abroad to study foreign language?

　In recent years, there has been a tendency to see the opinion that studying abroad is necessary in Japanese society. For example, according to one news site, in the past in India, the government worked to develop human resources who would be involved in the IT industry so that they could speak English first. Thanks to that, most people in India now speak English. However I do not know if I can speak English just by studying abroad, and I do not know if I need to learn a foreign language. I will illustrate these reason.
　First, a foreign language can be learned at a school in own country rather than studying abroad. If you have the will to learn a foreign language, I think studying abroad is good option if you want to learn language. People who are not so interested in language like me, do not need to go out of their way to study abroad, Even if there is no foreign language if there is community of own language, it may be possible to live.
　Secondly, it is said that learning foreign languages will be useful in the future, and English and Chinese are currently the most studied languages in the world. However for instance, Japanese has honorifics, but English and Chinese do not have such a polite way of speaking. In this way, Japanese has many expressions that are not found in foreign languages, so I do not think it is necessary to study abroad to learn other languages.
　In this essay, I have ben discussed whether or not we should go abroad to study foreign language. In summerly, in learning foreign language, it is important to have a desire to learn a foreign language, but it is also important to understand the range of your limits, and that way of life will be useful in your future life. As mentioned above, I do not think it is necessary to study abroad because I can live comfortably without trying to talk to people all over the world.🔴

Question

👇Are these English 🔴 sentences natural？
Would you please correct my assignment? The matter is urgent and a prompt reply would be appreciated.
至急、添削をお願いしたいです。課題で出されたものです。

🔴Theme: Should we go abroad to study foreign language?

　In recent years, there has been a tendency to see the opinion that studying abroad is necessary in Japanese society. For example, according to one news site, in the past in India, the government worked to develop human resources who would be involved in the IT industry so that they could speak English first. Thanks to that, most people in India now speak English. However I do not know if I can speak English just by studying abroad, and I do not know if I need to learn a foreign language. I will illustrate these reason. 
　First, a foreign language can be learned at a school in own country rather than studying abroad. If you have the will to learn a foreign language, I think studying abroad is good option if you want to learn language. People who are not so interested in language like me, do not need to go out of their way to study abroad, Even if there is no foreign language if there is community of own language, it may be possible to live. 
　Secondly, it is said that learning foreign languages will be useful in the future, and English and Chinese are currently the most studied languages in the world. However for instance, Japanese has honorifics, but English and Chinese do not have such a polite way of speaking. In this way, Japanese has many expressions that are not found in foreign languages, so I do not think it is necessary to study abroad to learn other languages. 
　In this essay, I have ben discussed whether or not we should go abroad to study foreign language. In summerly, in learning foreign language, it is important to have a desire to learn a foreign language, but it is also important to understand the range of your limits, and that way of life will be useful in your future life. As mentioned above, I do not think it is necessary to study abroad because I can live comfortably without trying to talk to people all over the world.🔴

Beish · Answer

You're assignment is good overall but here are some corrections:

You wrote: I do not know if I can speak English just by studying abroad.
Better: I do not know if I could speak English only by studying abroad.

You wrote: A foreign language can be learned at a school in own country.
Better: A person can learn a foreign language at school in their own country.

You wrote: I think studying abroad is good option.
Better: I think studying abroad is a good option.

You wrote: People who are not so interested in language like me.
Better: People who are not so interested in language learning/learning a language like me.

You wrote: I have been discussed...
Better: I have discussed...

You wrote: In summerly...
Better: In summary...

You wrote: and that way of life will be useful in your future life.
Better: and whether that lifestyle will be useful in the future or not.

You wrote: I can live comfortably without trying to talk to people all over the world.
Better: I can live comfortably without trying to talk to people from all over the world.

Have a good day 😊

Chillyapples · Answer

In recent years, the opinion that studying abroad is necessary in Japanese society has been becoming more common. For example, according to one news site, in the past in India, the government encouraged people working in the IT industry to learn English first as part of their training. Thanks to that, most people in India now speak English. However I do not know if I can learn English just by studying abroad, and I do not know if it’s necessary for me to learn a foreign language. I have three reasons for thinking this.
　Firstly, a foreign language can be learned at a school in your own country rather than studying abroad. If you have the desire to learn a foreign language, I think studying abroad is a good option. People who are especially interested in foreign languages like me, do not need to go out of their way to study abroad. Even if you can’t speak a foreign language, as long as there is a community for your language you can live.
　Secondly, it is said that learning foreign languages will be useful in the future, and English and Chinese are currently the most studied languages in the world. However, Japanese has keigo, but English and Chinese do not have such polite ways of speaking. Consequently, Japanese has many expressions that are not found in foreign languages, so I do not think it is necessary to study abroad to learn other languages.
　In this essay, I have been discussing whether or not we should go abroad to study foreign language. In conclusion, when learning foreign languages, it is important to have a desire to learn a foreign language, but it is also important to understand the range of your limits, and whether that way of life will be useful in your future life. As mentioned above, I do not think it is necessary to study abroad because I can live comfortably without trying to talk to people from all over the world.