Hello. I wrote this story today. Can you help in making it perfect from grammar point of view and natural English? Which grammatical mistakes do you find and other mistakes? Give your suggestions and edits.

The Real Happiness
Author: Rizwan Ahmed Memon

Many people collect a lot of wealth in this world. They remain so much busy in collecting wealth that they forget their loved ones and become selfish. On the other hand, many live a simple life giving importance to love and peace. Rani was one of those people who did not give importance to wealth and material things.

Rani was a pampered daughter of Janzaib, who was one of the wealthiest man of Karachi city. Rani’s father had disowned her from the day she had married an uneducated, poor and simple man, Rahat. He had come to Karachi from Larkana, and he sold flowers in a shopping mall.

On the Valentine’s Day in 2015, Rani went to the shopping mall where Rahat worked. Rani purchases some clothes and books from the shops in the mall. When she was going out, she saw flowers stall. She came to the stall and for a while she looked at the beautiful flowers. “Which one would you like to buy, miss?” Rahat asked her.

“I don’t have anyone to give flowers to!” she replied.

“Look this is a nice one. Your mother will like it,” he added.

“My mother had died when I was only three, and my father is namely alive. He has time for his business only.”

“I am sorry to know that. Well, miss, it is day of the love today, so here is a rose for you from my side.”

“Oh, thank you!” said Rani. She took a note of one thousand from her purse. “Here you are,” she said to Rahat.

“Miss, this flower is priceless!”

She smiled and said, “My father says everything has its price!”

“Yes, but I think love has no price. No one can purchase love with money. One can get many things with money from the mall, but no one has the love for selling in their stocks.”

“You are right. I believe so,” saying this she took the flower and left.

When Rani came home, she wept a lot in her bedroom. She thought she had no one to share love on that. She thought about the wealth of her father. He has wealth, but no love, care and feelings. He is busy to make even more money all the time. “I don’t like his principles and his wealth. I need to live my life according to my rules. If all people thought like the man at the flower stall, this world would have been a better place,” she whispered.
The next day, she went to Rahat. “You have nice thoughts. I want to listen more from you about love, care and life. What are you doing this evening?”

“I will remain here up to the night. I am free on Friday.”

“All right. Can we meet on Friday evening at the café?”

“My pleasure. Sure!”

So that Friday Rani felt that the prince who will bring happiness in her life was Rahat. She started to go out with him regularly. One evening, while they were strolling along the beach, she asked Rahat to marry her.

“I am a poor man, and I have no degrees. What your father will say?”

“Rahat, I am an educated and active girl. I will not let anyone snatch my rights. Here in Karachi girls are not so much limited as in interior Sindh. We will do court marriage. After marriage, we will live wherever you will say.”

At night, when Rani’s father came, she said him, “Father, I am alone. You remain busy in the business, so I want to get married.”

“Oh, that’s a good news! Who lucky is that? Has he a big bungalow and what does he do? He must be a doctor, right?”

“No, father he is a poor, and uneducated man. He sells flowers in a mall.”

“What! The daughter of a millionaire will marry an uneducated and above all a flowers seller? Impossible!”

“Father, money is not important, and after marriage I will teach him reading and writing.”

“You still live in the thoughts of novels. These all are lies written by some foolish writers. You better be realistic. Think about your career and future.”

“Father, my happiness is with Rahat. I knew you won’t like this. Tomorrow I am going to marry him in the court.”

“If you do so, I will not give you a penny from my wealth, and I will disown you. I will not let you live in this house.”

“Don’t worry, dad. I will not take anything from you, and I will not live here. I just want you to attend the marriage ceremony.”

“Not at all. I don’t want to see you here anymore,” saying this he went to his bedroom. Her father felt happy inside because he will have chance to marry for the second time.

The next day, Rahat and Rani came to the court and tied the knot. On this occasion, Rani wished that her mother had been alive and seen her as a bride. Rahat’s mother Zulaikha, his younger brother Adnan, and his sister Malaika came from Larkana to attend the marriage ceremony. After few days, Rahat decided to leave Karachi and go to his native city Larkana. “In Larkana we will live simple and happy life. I will open my own shop where my younger brother and I will work together and sell flowers.”

“I will live with you wherever you say,” said Rani.

After a week, they came to Larkana. “Welcome, daughter this is your house. Now I have two daughters,” said Rahat’s mother.

At night, Rahat said to Rani, “I don’t know whether you will get sleep on the cod or not? Because you are used to sleeping on the bed.”

“Rahat, in fact, I feel more comfort here on this cot and in this house. Here I have your love and your family’s love. I feel I have got my mother and siblings. Now, I will not feel alone. I will sleep well on this cot.”

With Rahat and his family, Rani was happier than she was with her father and that big house. In the evening, she had started teaching English and computer to the children in their neighborhood. She had a good heart which found happiness in giving and receiving love not in collecting wealth. In deed that happiness is the real happiness.

Hello, Moyoyst. Thank you for the editing. You said you are a writer too. That's great. Please comment on my writing style and the story? What do you think I am a good writer? Also, can you share your stories with me? I want to read your stories. I have a blog where I post my writings. Here is the adress: http://rizwanahmedmemon.blogspot.com/

Hello friends, here is the story after edits. See if it sounds good.

The Real Happiness
Author: Rizwan Ahmed Memon

Many people collect a lot of wealth in this world. They remain so busy in accumulating affluence that they forget their loved ones and become selfish. On the other hand, many live a simple life giving importance to love and peace. Rani was one of those people who was not interested in money and material things.

Rani was the only daughter of Janzaib, who was one of the richest man of Karachi city. Rani’s father had disowned her from the day she had married an uneducated, poor and simple man, Rahat. He had come to Karachi from Larkana, and he sold flowers in a shopping mall.

On the Valentine’s Day in 2015, Rani went to the shopping mall where Rahat worked. Rani purchased some clothes and books from the shops in the mall. When she was going out, she saw flowers stall. She came to the stall and for a while she looked at the beautiful flowers. “Which one would you like to buy, miss?” Rahat asked her.

“Yet, I don’t have anyone to give flowers to,” she sighed.

“Look this is a nice one. Your mother will like it,” he added.

“Yes. Well, my mother had died when I was only three, and my father is namely alive. He has time for his business only.”

“I am sorry to know that. Well, ma’am, today is the day of love, so here is a rose for you from my side.” he smiled warmly.

“Oh, thank you!” sparkled Rani. She took a note of one thousand from her purse. “Here you are,” she replied as she handed it to Rahat.

“Miss, this flower isn’t that much!”

She smiled and said, “My father says everything has its price!”

“Yes, well, maybe but love has no price. No one can purchase love with money. One can get many things with money from the mall, but no one has the love for selling in their stocks.”

“You are right. I believe so,” saying this she took the flower and left.

When Rani came home, she wept a lot in her bedroom. She thought she had no one to share love. She thought about the business of her father. He has wealth, but no love, care and feelings. He is too busy and greedy trying to get more money all the time. “I don’t like his principles and his life. I need to live my life according to my rules. If all people thought like the man at the flower stall, this world would have been a better place,” she whispered as if reminding herself.

The next day, she went to Rahat. “You have nice thoughts. I want to listen more from you about love, care and life. What are you doing this evening?”

His eyes lit up with the sudden acceptance. “I will remain here up to the night. I am usually free on Fridays.”

“All right. Can we meet on Friday evening at the café?”

“My pleasure.”

So that Friday, Rani felt that the prince who will bring happiness in her life was Rahat. She started to go out with him regularly. One evening, while they were strolling along the beach, she asked Rahat to marry her.

“I am a poor man, and I have no degrees. What your father will say?”

“Rahat, I am an educated and active girl. I will not let anyone snatch my rights. Here in Karachi girls are not so much limited as in interior Sindh. We will do court marriage. After marriage, we will live wherever you will say.”

At night, when Rani’s father came, she said him, “Dad, I am alone. You are too busy in the business, and so I would like to get married.”

“Oh, that’s a good news! Who lucky is that? Has he a big bungalow and what does he do? He must be a doctor, right?”

“No, father he is a poor, and uneducated man. He sells flowers in a mall.”

“What! The daughter of - Me - will marry an uneducated and above all a flowers seller? I will never allow this!”

“I’m sorry dad, but money is not important to me, and after marriage I will teach him reading and writing.”

“You still live in the thoughts of novels. These all are lies written by some foolish writers. You better be realistic. Think about your career and future.”

“Father, my happiness is with Rahat. I knew you won’t like this. Tomorrow, I am going to marry him in the court.”

“If you do so, I will not give you a penny from my wealth, and I will disown you. I will not let you live in this house.”

“Don’t worry, dad. I will not take anything from you, and I will not live here. I just want you to attend the marriage ceremony.”

“Not at all. I don’t want to see you here anymore,” saying this he went to his bedroom. Although angry, her father also felt happy, because he will have chance to marry for the second time.

The next day, Rahat and Rani came to the court and tied the knot. On this occasion, Rani wished that her mother had been alive and seen her as a bride. Rahat’s mother Zulaikha, his younger brother Adnan, and his sister Malaika came from Larkana to attend the marriage ceremony. After few days, Rahat decided to leave Karachi and go to his native city Larkana. “In Larkana we will live simple and happy life. I will open my own shop where my younger brother and I will work together and sell flowers.”

“I will live with you wherever you say,” submitted Rani.

After a week, they had come to Larkana. “Welcome, this is your house. Oh how lovely! Now I have two daughters,” Rahat’s mother spouted in joy.

At night, Rahat said to Rani, “I don’t know whether you will get sleep on the cot or not? Because you are used to sleeping on the bed.”

“Rahat, in fact, I feel more comfort here on this cot and in this house. Here I have your love and your family’s love. I feel I have got my mother and siblings. Now, I will not feel alone. I will sleep well on this cot.”

“Thank you, Rani for coming in my life. I am so happy, too. You have brought happiness in our lives.”

“Rahat, why did you not go to school?” she asked.

“When I was in grade six, my father had died of illness. Since then I left school and helped my mother in making income to keep the house going. Would you teach me reading and writing?”

“Oh, you took words out of my mouth!” said Rani.

With Rahat and his family, Rani was happier than she was with her father and that big house. In the evening, she had started teaching English and computer to the children in their neighborhood. She had a good heart which found happiness in giving and receiving love not in collecting wealth. In deed that happiness is the real happiness.

Hi. Is this story correct and natural?

The Pain of Love

Author: Rizwan Ahmed Memon

It was August 16, 2014. I woke up early in the morning and decided to go to the grave of my father to pray for him. As I was praying before the graves of my loved ones, I saw that a very old man with the support of a stick was walking. He was going to the grave of his wife Sophiya, who had died just two days ago. As he approached the grave, he burst into tears and cried out loud saying, “Why did you leave me? Take me there with you!” His love for his wife was so obvious from his pain.

I had seen them together since my childhood. They often went to the city on a donkey cart. Their house was by the graveyard, and Sophiya often brought her buffaloes in the graveyard to graze. My mother had told me that my father had called her his sister. Her village was near our town. My father used to sell clothes in different villages, and that is how he met Sophiya. She was a poor, but brave woman. She was born into a family that was not Muslim. Sophiya had fallen in love with a Muslim man named Raheem Bukhsh.

Sophiya did everything for her love. She left her home, parents, and her religion. She became Muslim and married Raheem Bukhsh. After becoming Muslim, her name was changed. She was named Islaam. They were very poor, but their happiness was not dependent on wealth. Their love was pure and without reserve. Raheem Bukhsh didn’t do much work. It was Islaam who managed to run the house by selling milk. They had five children, three sons and two daughters.

I still remember she often complained about her daughters-in-law and said they didn’t treat her well. One of her sons died in a road accident. Her son’s sudden death upset Islaam and Raheem bukhsh so much. After many years, they recovered from the pain of the death of their young son. Islaam and his husband decided to sell their buffaloes and make a pilgrimage to Mecca.

When they arrived back to Pakistan, Islaam had come to our house and had told us about the pilgrimage. Islaam and her husband they had become very old and could no longer make both ends meet. Islaam decided to take food from other people to fulfill the hunger in their stomachs.

For years they survived this way. On Eids, Islaam used to come to us and said Happy Eid. In 2014, on Eid-u-Fiter, the Eid which comes after Ramadan, she came to us. I had met her. I didn’t know it was her last Eid. That day she became seriously ill. She was taken to the hospital. Three days she was in the hospital, but her health didn’t improve. The doctors told them she would not survive. Her husband took her home in the hope that she would survive no matter what the doctors say, but she could not survive any more.

The love and life of Islaam have always inspired me. She sacrificed everything for her husband and always remained by his side through thick and thin. Old Raheem Bukhsh is also ill, and he is suffering from the pain of separation with his beloved wife. I often find Raheem Bukhsh weeping on the grave of his wife. Everything that we have in this world will not be with us forever. We, too, will leave this world. Sometimes the pain of love makes life, and sometimes it takes one’s life. In life, having someone who loves us truly, is a gift from God. Man is mortal. One day everybody has to leave this world. The only way we can be in someone’s heart is by love. Islaam’s and Raheem Bukhsh’s life story will always be in my mind and heart.

Hello. Please read this novel and help with language. I will soon write the third chapter of this novel.

Please give your comments on my work and myself, too.

Chapters of Injustice

Author: Rizwan Ahmed Memon


Chapter 1

It was a sunny day. Robbi was so delighted to win the prize in her class for an essay competition. Her teacher said her that he was sure that one day Robbi would become a great woman. Robbi said to her teacher, “God willing, I would become a doctor.” The teacher replied, “God wills that. I know because He has given you all the abilities which a successful doctor should have.” Robbi came home and showed her mother the prize. Robbi’s mother was happy too, but her father didn’t seem to be happy.

Robbi’s father was a drunkard; her mother had to pay for her education. She made both ends meet by doing needlework. Besides going to school, Robbi also helped her mother in household works and in needlework. Days kept going by and Robbi was in class nine then. At night Robbi’s father said to her mother, “Now Robbi has grown up.” Her mother said to him, “No, she is still young, well why do you say so?” He said, “Now Robbi won’t go to school anymore.” Her mother said, “No, she has to study still, and she wants to be a doctor.” “A doctor, impossible!” he said. “Why can’t she be a doctor? She is most clever girl in the class?” said her mother. Her father said to her mother, “Because the time has come for her to go to her real home.” “You are thinking about Robbi’s marriage? She is still too young,” she said. “Well sooner or later she has to go. Sooner the better.” said Robbi’s father. He further added, “I have already talked to my old friend. He has a son who works in the fields, and that will be better for her. I don’t want to talk about it anymore that’s it.”

In morning when Robbi was getting ready for going to school, her mother said her, “Stay at home today.” Robbi said, “why dear mother?” She said, “Today I have a lot of work and I want you to help me.” Robbi said, “All right if you say so, I am not going.” So on that day her mother told her that her father was going to get her married. Robbi tore into pieces. Her mother said her, “It is inevitable, neither can I do anything nor you can refuse. If we go against, we will both be in trouble. So it is better to be quiet and endure.”

Robbi’s dreams shattered. She felt a storm inside her, and she wanted to cry as much loudly as it could break the sky. Weeping and sobbing she slept. In few days, Robbi’s father married her off. Now she was just walking around as if already dead.


Chapter 2

Robbi was only fourteen. She was studying in the hope of becoming a doctor, when her father married her off.

She was married to Zaman, who worked in the fields. All of Robbi’s dreams were shattered before they could come to fruition. Her husband treated her as if she was a servant or slave. He punished her, abused her, and harassed her. He commanded her to look after the buffaloes and cows. She milked them and grazed them near the bank of the river which was a short distance from the fields where her husband worked.

Robbi gave birth to Rabia at the age of fifteen. Robbi and her daughter were week due to Robbi’s pregnancy at a very young age. Early marriage led to many detrimental effects upon Robbi’s health.

It had been more than a year since Robbi has seen her mother. Robbi’s father never allowed Robbi’s mother to visit Robbi; neither did Robbi’s husband. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years as Robbi continued to bear all the injustices that her husband did to her. In rural areas of Sindh, a province of Pakistan, it is common for men to treat women in this way. Very few women raise their voice against the oppression. Robbi would never resist, but she had decided that she would never let her daughter fall victim to this abuse.

One night, Robbi said to Zaman, “Saeen, Rabia is now five. We need to send our daughter to school.” (In Sindhi the word ‘Saeen’ is used for someone who is admired or respected.)

“School? Don’t you know in our village girls are not allowed to attend school? She will never go to school,” her husband replied.

“But Saeen, she must get a primary education, at least, so that she can read and write our native Sindhi language.”

“I don’t like your explanations and answering back. I said she will never go. Now get out of my sight!” he shouted angrily.

Young Rabia was watching and listening her parents talking about her from the window. In her heart, Rabia hated her father because she had seen him beating her mother many times.

One day, Robbi went to graze the cattle, as usual. Normally, Rabia would stay at home with her grandparents; who never cared much for Robbi or Rabia since they had been disappointed when Robbi did not give birth to a boy.

On this particular day, Robbi decided that she would begin to take her daughter out with her to graze the cattle. Robbi had learned reading and writing in Sindhi when she was a child, and she also knew a little bit of English. She decided that she would educate her daughter herself while the cattle grazed.

At night, Robbi called her daughter, “Rabia? Rabia? Where are you?”
“Ami, I am here with grandpa.”
“Won’t you let me read you a new story tonight?”
“Oh, yes.”

That night Robbi told Rabia about her plan. Robbi had originally thought that Zaman would do the same for their daughter as Robbi’s father had done for her.

“At least I had got my primary education. I have to do something for my daughter, otherwise in this male-dominated society my daughter will be deprived of even basic education,” she whispered to herself.

The next day, as usual, Robbi woke up early, milked the buffaloes, churned the Lassi, and fed the cattle. When she served breakfast to her husband, she told him, “Saeen, I want to take Rabia with me. She will learn grazing the cattle and cutting the grass. She is not going to school, so she better learn the household chores.”

“All right. Keep a close eye on her,” he agreed.

After Zaman had gone, Robbi and her daughter left to graze the cattle. Along the way, she gave Rabia two hundred rupees, which she had earned by selling the milk. The money was used to buy two pens, (one red and one blue), a notebook, and a first grade text book from the village general store. Robbi also gave her a palm straw bag, in which she packed her lunch. Rabia purchased all these things and put them in the bag. When they reached the river, the cattle started grazing, and they both started the lessons.

On their first day, Robbi taught her daughter some letters of the alphabet of their native language. For five years they studied in this way; hiding their books from everyone. Usually, Children do their homework at their homes, but Rabia did her at the river bank. Rabia eventually learned to read and write the Sindhi language, and a little bit of English.

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